Let’s get real. Homemaking, whatever your circumstance, is HARD and sometimes the overwhelm is deafening. I’m supposed to be blogging for SEO and the most views but right now I want to just type and let the words flow from a very frustrated, overwhelmed heart.
Maybe you’re feeling a lot like me or you know you’re feeling SOMEthing but aren’t sure exactly what it is…let me tell you. You are stressed. You are under pressure that’s been mounting and building for days, weeks, or even months. Now you’re at that point where you feel like you’re about to explode or maybe you’re already sitting in the aftermath of the explosion.
Either way, how in the world do we recognize that we are riding that trajectory so we can slam on brakes before the whole thing goes up in flames? Because I surely don’t want it to ever get to that point, but sometimes my own attitude and emotions evade me and I’m left feeling helpless at the end of the outburst. I want to help identify what some of the signs might be you’re headed the wrong direction so we can all have a chance to pause, reflect, and change our heart posture before it all comes crumbling down.
Now I will absolutely admit that these signs are ones I have seen in myself, especially recently. But nobody really wants to be so awful that you can’t stand being around yourself, so it helps to self-judge every once in a while.
Paul the apostle, Joan of Arc, Thomas Becket, and the homemaker….the great martyrs of history. Seriously though, it is SO easy to openly express my “suffering” for the cause. Banging around the dishes just so everyone in the house can hear while loudly exclaiming “Just ANOTHER day dishes since no one else has eyes to see them..”, breathing extra loud as you pass the empty-handed person on the stairs with your arms full of the stuff that’s been sitting on landing for days, or snapping at your husband ” Do you know how much I do around here and you can’t do the one thing I asked?” when he doesn’t complete the task you requested of him right away.
I think you get the idea, but that’s just a small portion of the things we say as homemakers that exaggerate our suffering to those around us and in turn make us feel like martyrs in our home.
NEWS FLASH: It’s not healthy.
Not playing the martyr has seriously been one of my goals for homemaking this year and I’ve already found myself failing. That doesn’t mean we can’t recoup and move forward if we find ourselves doing this, but it’s a sure sign that overwhelm is mounting.
I’m usually aware when I clearly loathe something, but it’s a different ballgame when literally everything is getting under your skin. When I notice that my husband coming to ask a question while I’m cooking or cleaning or thinking (or literally anything), or my dog walking through my broom pile makes me grit my teeth and let out a huff, it’s time for me to check my heart posture and reassess my attitude.
Accidentally dropping a pen shouldn’t set anyone off, and if it is, maybe take a moment to close your eyes and breathe deeply. You may not be able to fix your problem in a moment, but we can all certainly serve to fix our spirits ABOUT the problem.
Just remember, if everyone around you is being a problem, it’s probably just you.
Sometimes it’s that sinful human nature, and other times it the product of our environment. Either way, no homemaker actually WANTS to be a fire-breathing dragon spewing lava-hot anger in her home. You may have wanted to never be the yelling and screaming mom or the bickering wife, but it happens.
Recognizing your actions in this case is a giant neon sign telling you to – C A L M D O W N – and step back from your stressors. If that means actually forgoing commitments, handing off some responsibility to your husband, or just physically walking out of the room in the heat of the moment, don’t let your stress overtake you. Then come back, apologize, and try again. It’s not easy to do, especially when you almost want to keep raging by that point since you’re already there, but it is simple. You just have to do it.
Fold the laundry…remember to feed the starter…what are we having for dinner on Thursday?…make sure he gets to the haircut appointment on time…text your friend about that one thing that you can’t remember what it is anymore…
When there are so many thoughts flying through your head in such quick succession that you can’t keep track of them anymore, you might need to slow down. This morning on my way to work I was trying to get my morning prayer time in and eventually I realized that it was nearly the 5th time my thoughts had trailed off and were just running so fast about completely irrelevant things that I couldn’t focus long enough to finish praying. Talk about a heart check.
Or maybe you’re the opposite and are so stressed out by all the things you have to get done that you hyper-focus on one thing and are so anal about it that all the other things are falling apart. Perhaps when our focus is all out of sorts we should recognize where we’re at and spend some time reflecting on where we should prioritize.
Before you end up having a panic attack, take a moment to assess how your body feels physically. Are your arms tingly? Does your chest feel weighted, or under pressure? Does it feel like someone is squeezing your head?
Often if we ignore the mental and emotional pressure we are under long enough it will run over into physical pressure. That’s your body’s way of screaming at you “HEY! Something’s wrong here!!”
I am 100% a physical responder to stress and it feels like a man is sitting on my chest, making it hard to breathe. Once it gets to this point it can be hard to fix because you’re so overloaded, but just remember that the physical pressure is connected to the internal pressure. Alleviate whatever stress you can in your mind and heart to help alleviate the stress in your body.
This seems like a complete oxymoron but if you know, you know. There are moments when I am SO emotionally stimulated that I feel EVERYTHING. every. little. thing. I feel so much and am so sensitive that I feel numb and don’t feel anything.
I know that’s a hard concept to explain, but if you’ve been there or that’s how you’re feeling right now but haven’t been able to articulate it, you will understand completely what I mean. This is an obvious sign that you are overwhelmed, over-stressed, and overdoing it.
While I realize that listing all of these things doesn’t actually fix any problems, sometimes just being able to identify your emotions and where you are at helps. Just the knowing instead of endless emotional confusion- putting a name to the feelings.
If you are finding yourself in this space, take a moment to pray. Breathe deeply and name the things that are physically around you. Get out of your own head and get your emotions down on paper. Turn the music all the way up in your car and scream as loud as you can. Whatever you need to do to release all the pent-up emotions that are driving you crazy, just surrender.
Know that we walk this road together, and as crazy as it may be, I pray that yours, mine, and our homemaking is filled with love, serenity, and contentment.